Stimulants and depressants

So remember that post when I said I was busy with big, important things? That's done now. And the big, important thing is that I'm now...

... A CERTIFIED BARTENDER.

Of course, in Illinois you don't need a license, let alone a certificate, but I have one anyway. And I know how to make a bunch of drinks fast and consistently. And I know what a "speed roll" is.

Anyway, this can only improve my writing. As well as my drinking.

And speaking of drinking, are you one of those people who is too lazy to drink a cup of coffee? No? Yeah. Neither am I. But evidently there are enough people answering "yes" that an entrepreneur invented:

Side effects may include extreme mockery.

Uh-huh. It's a spray. Not sure what to add here, except that this is the kind of thinking that inflicted EZ-Cheez on the world, too.