It's Christmas Eve, babe...

... and I hope that none of you are in the drunk tank.

Enjoy one of the best Christmas songs ever written, try not to cry in your eggnog during the harmonizing, and happy holidays.

The older they are, the... uh....

I'm not sure how to finish that sentence. Bloodier they shoot? Snarlier they mumble? Mulletier they mullet? Maybe you should tell me: What cliche bests describes an 82-year-old Sylvester Stallone hopping back into his headband as John Rambo?

But leaving his age aside (which I think is only fair, given the number of octogenerians who could marathon me into oblivion), who is left for Mr. Rambo to brutalize? As my friend Nikkos put it, there were really only two options: The Mexicans or the Terrorans.

But no, it's actually (DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK IF SPECIAL-EFFECTS BULLET WOUNDS MAKE YOU NAUSEATED) the Burmese--er, Myanmarese?--army. On the one hand, you haven't seen them much in the headlines lately. On the other hand, they seem to meet the 21st Century's ridiculously high bar for being horrible people.

Plot summary: "Blah blah blah, justice, shooting, explosions, blah blah blah."

So there you have it. An aging, principled and apparently still lethal John Rambo takes on human rights abusers. And you know what?

I think I'm gonna see it. Who's with me?

Next on Fox News:

N. Korean sub found... crew dead... Chicago author blamed....

That's right, I'm in the media. An interview in the Chicago Star-News includes a dashing picture (thanks, Christine!) and quotes that don't make me sound like an idiot.

Doyle cites the influence of Stephen King and Elmore Leonard, master novelists whose books have frequently made the transition to the silver screen. Having From the Depths turned into a movie is something that Doyle has allowed himself to dream about.

In the role of Christine Myers, Doyle envisions Grace Park, an actress best known for playing Sharon Valerii on "Battlestar Galactica." "The story is very cinematic in a lot of ways, so I think it will lend itself well to the screen," he said.

Go read it now, and forward it to Bill O'Reilly.

P.S. The event last night at the Book Cellar last night went great--a recap with pictures is in the offing.

Meet the author and ask him tough questions!

He will then mumble something under his breath, sign your book and send you on your way.

OK, OK... not really. If you come to Local Author Night at the Book Cellar on Dec. 19, I promise I will listen respectfully to all your questions and comments, answer them if I can, and write something legible in your copy of "From the Depths" if you present it to me. I might even read from the book, too.

No, I won't do voices. Sorry.

So, to recap:

WHEN: 7 p.m., Dec. 19, 2007 AD
WHERE: The Book Cellar, 4736-38 N. Lincoln Ave., Chicago
WHO: Me. You. The book makes three.
WHAT: Local Author Night

Hope to see you there!

P.S. Another reminder about the contest: PLEASE INCLUDE YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS IN YOUR ENTRY. It will not be published, but I need it to shower you with praise if you win.

An important message from our sponsor

Actually, it's a message from me, about the contest I'm running.

Please include your e-mail address in your comment when you tell me who your favorite female protagonist is. All comments are moderated--by the great and powerful Gerry--and I promise your address won't appear on my blog, unless it's attached to your blogspot profile.

If you don't give me some way of contacting you, I have no way of getting you your fabulous prize. Let alone discussing your "The Holograms would have been NOTHING without Jem!!!!" thesis.

Contest! Prizes! Win!

Fame! Glory! Adven... ah, you get the idea.

Here's what you have to do: Post a comment on this blog entry explaining who your favorite female protagonist in literature is. Yes, comic books count.

Dr. Christine Myers and I will sift through the entries and decide which 15 are the most cleverest. The winners will receive the envy and admiration and respect of many important people. And more impressive, an autographed copy of "From the Depths." Autographed by the author, even!

So get thinkin'. The deadline for entries is Dec. 25, and all entries must include a working e-mail address (but don't worry, they won't be published. The only people who will see them are me and the CIA). Good luck!

Hunting creativity in the wild

Creativity is an elusive thing. It can hit you during your commute like the untended backpack of that guy standing in front of you. It can subtly slip ideas into your consciousness until they reach some kind of critical mass and explode... ideally someplace where you've got a pen and paper nearby.

And you can't force it, either. It's like a snow leopard--wait, hear me out. You kind of have to be patient and wait for it to come to you, and then you get the best footage in the world.

OK, so maybe that wasn't the greatest metaphor. I should have tried to be more creative.

Anyway, with "From the Depths," it was one blinding thermonuclear explosion of creativity followed by shorter microbursts, each feeding on the one before it. I tried to write every day... not just to ensure that I made progress, but because the act of writing itself seemed to let my brain cells free-associate until they came up with some good ideas.

Then they sat down, talked about it over beers, took some notes and delivered the conclusion to me.

Who then bumbled his way through putting it on the page.

One of my reporting professors in college swore that writing was best accomplished after one beer. I can buy that. Anyone else have suggestions for making the words come out prettier?

There's "get an idea stuck in your head"...

... and there's "want to stick a fork in your eye."

I refer, of course, to the unfunny, unclever and mercilessly difficult to watch Dr Pepper commerical that I was forced to watch Saturday night. And by "forced," I mean "saw during the Big 12 championship game."

It's certainly concievable that it's funny, by someone's standards, to watch what appears to be an offensive lineman take a swig of Dr Pepper and then dance around like he had just downed an entire bottle of grain alcohol. By my standards, it's a great reason to not only not drink Dr Pepper, but to do everything in my power to blot the brand name from the face of the Earth.

Behold:



Sigh. Yes, I realize that by writing this I'm just spreading the ad around further. But I ask you, dear reader: Is there a point at which having a memorable spot isn't a good thing? I remember clearly spraining my ankle (thanks, Kevin!), but I have no desire to go sprain it over and over.

But Dr Pepper still is my favorite soft drink.

There are no bathroom breaks in basketball!

Wait, actually, there are. They're called timeouts.

And yet, on national TV last night, viewers witnessed a different way of dealing with... uh... bladder issues. Don't worry, the video's not graphic or anything. But watch the bench at the lower left-hand corner and you can pretty much figure out what's going on.



Now, I'm not a fan of K-State, although I am a fan of several K-State graduates. But even if we leave out that natural enimity, I have to wonder: What the hell was he (KSU player Bill Walker) thinking? I've played sports my entire life, and I can't think of a single instance of having to "go" so badly that I "went" in front of the entire stadium.

So, yeah. Not really sure what else to add here. Except that I hope Walker never decides to eat Mexican before a game.