Wednesday, June 27, 2007

I'd tell you, but then I'd have to [REDACTED]

What's more frightening than the CIA coming clean about illegal activities in its "Family Jewels" report? How about the CIA "coming clean," yet managing to leave huge swaths of redacted material obscured from the public?

"Oh, yeah, we totally tried to assassinate Castro. That was pretty low. Our bad. But you really, really don't want to know what's on page 13, so we went ahead and blacked that out for you. You're welcome."

Some notable activities that we are allowed to read about now:

-Chicago's very own Sam Giancana--an "independent businessman"--was enlisted in the Castro plot. As a sweet quid pro quo, he got the agency to bug his cheatin' girlfriend's Vegas hotel room.

-Secret gadgetry, from poison pills to poison dart guns. The CIA loves it some poison.

-Covertly opening a quarter-million letters that had the misfortune of being sent to or from the Soviet Union or China.

So what secrets are there left to reveal? Well, for starters, there are entire categories of "activities" that aren't visible in the report. How many World Series were rigged? At what greasy spoon diner is Amelia Earhart working? Is Tony Soprano dead? Only Howard Hunt and the guy in charge of the CIA's Wite-Out supply know.

Maybe in another 40 years, when global warming makes a Cold War sound kinda refreshing, the rest of the details will come to light. In the meantime, Gen. Hayden: My name is spelled with a "G," not a "J," even if you're planning on whiting it out.

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