Lindsay Lohan, Role Model

Look, people, I know I'm not the most dark-skinned guy in the world. Quite the opposite, I'm all too aware that I grew up in the middle of the United States, far from beaches and pretty much anyplace you'd want to lie around outside and provide a nice target for ultraviolet radiation. What tan I do get often takes the form of what some people call a "farmer's tan," but what I prefer to call a "spend a lot of time outside, but wear clothes tan."

But this post stems not from jealousy. It's more like curiosity. Because I would like to know what planet these folks live on:




Huh. After closer examination, it seems the answer to my question is "Los Angeles." Which is odd, because I know a lot of great people there and as far as I know, none of them want the Lindsay Lohan Special.

Maybe if you people are lucky I'll dig up some of my old school pictures and show you how we did it Midwest-style. Represent!